Sunday, May 22, 2011


As you may or may not know, I am completely loose haired now. I cut the last of the locs off last night. And I kinda botched the cut part.. I'm ok, and it's workable.. But my husband's reaction got me to thinking... (That's in my other blog here.)

Why kick a person when they're down? Lots of folks seem to enjoy doing it too.. I think I'm missing the point.. Or SOMETHING. I was just not born with a need to shoot a dead horse as it were. I mean, I'm not holier than THOU, as DH often puts it. But I do know that the right thing to do is try to make a person feel better when they are feeling down.. Not make them feel worse. Worst case scenerio, I'll help them come up with a solution while making what they are upset about not seem so bad.. That's the not only Christian/Muslim/Jewish- SPIRITUAL thing to do.. But the right thing to do. I mean, that's just what is SUPPOSED to be preprogrammed into our souls.. Into our very being to help a person in trouble.. But somewhere along the line, that became the stupid thing to do.. Let's just kick em when they're down. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

You see it all the time. A person who MAY have been high on the horse- or so you thought. Get's repremanded at work or loses their job, or home or car or whatever.. And people start being really mean to them about it. "That's what you get!" and "Serves her/him right." Now if the person was a jerk, it's still wrong to do that, but I feel ya.. I've been there. But never have I rubbed it in their faces when they are down. First I hate to see people cry. I hate to see suffering. Why in a world like this? I really don't know.. Good home training I guess. (Thanks Mom!)

Well, I am married to someone who loves to rub it in.. And I mean RUB IT IN DEEP.. Like, if you fell into a pool of lemon juice and broken glass as soon as you get out he'd sprinkle you with salt. Sometimes he borders on cruel.. At least with me.. Maybe he wants me to be tougher... No.... Because when I turn the tables (which I hate to do, but sometimes it does feel good when someone is really laying into you.) he gets mad.. So maybe he just wants me to use it on others.. Pass the pain. I can't... Sorry.. Maybe he wants to turn me away from others so I'll just turn to him... But when I do, if it's not what he wants to hear or talk about he gets mad... And makes me feel worse... So I just don't know.. Maybe he's been hurt so many times that he just has to hurt someone else.. And I'm the only one that won't bust a cap in his ass.. A safe place to pass pain..

Well, it's good he's getting his therapy.. But I'm suffering because of it. But then that really doesn't matter as long as he's happy I guess.. And in the end he's not happy either.. So why keep doing it. Maybe if he made me feel good, I'd make him feel great...

Which brings me to the lesson of the day, so to speak...

First don't say something because it's easy and obvious. Especially if it hurts others. Don't say mean things cause you can, or cause it will draw attention away from your flaws. In the end it just makes you look like an asshole.

If a person is feeling down, don't tell them how it's their fault that things are going wrong.. It doesn't help.

If your worse enemy loses their job, their home, their kids, their dog, husband/wife... Don't gloat. Justice has been served.. There's nothing left to be said. I have something I can pick on a few people about, but I don't. And I am not that awesome.. It just doesn't need to be told or said.

Think before you speak or act. Compassion should be your first goal. Not revenge. Before you seek revenge, consider this.. Just stay away from enemies.. Your hatred doesn't hurt them, it only hurts YOU.. And if it DOES hurt them... It's still just not worth the energy.

Be well, And blessed...


Sunday, April 10, 2011


** Composed earlier.. Like 2 weeks ago. :)***

Everyone is wondering when there will be a Mini Angel. Not sure why, but everyone needs something to look forward to. Then again, these are MY coworkers. Pretty sure they just wanna see my "freedom" come to an end as theirs did years ago. Or want my baby to be ugly as homemade sin so they can talk about it. On the smaller end of that spectrum are the genuine well-wishers and ones who feel I should know the joy of motherhood. I thank them and pray the lord will bless them bountifully. :)

I haven't said anything to anyone about us trying to have a baby. I don't want to put that weakness out there. Not for these jackals. But occasionally I think they catch on that I really do want a child.... And occasionally they make comments that hurt. Like yesterday a coworker commented that my ability to and my lifting heavy things is why I can't have kids. I think she said it not meaning for it to hurt, as she's not really in the inner circle of.. Well I guess the INTERNET, that knows I'm currently TTC. The only face to face people who know is me, DH, and my sister right under me. DH is more if it happens it happens. I'm a WRECK. My sister is hopeful and supportive. 

Anyway, I joked off the comment with my ovaries being too strong or something. :p No one laughed really, but did seem relieved that I wasn't taking it too personally or started crying or anything awkward. But it shows just how easy it is to hurt your TTC friend's feelings just by joking and kidding around. Or your mentally challenged friend... Or your addict friend. Or your black or white or Indian (insert any race you like) friend. Or ANYONE'S for that matter. We need to be mindful of each others feelings. I know that's hard. I mess up too and say things that hurt. Like talking about a fat person (other than me) to a fat friend. Yeah, I've made that mistake. Mind you, I don't just go round talking bout overweight people- being one myself that would be asking for a flogging! But when one of my fat ass sisters or brothers pisses me off.. Well if it's right THERE. Shut up! You're gonna use it. Still I imagine she's like "Bitch, I'm fat too ya know...  And you ain't skinny either!!" LoL! So.. We've all gone there a time or two. But we should all work on thinking before we speak. Sure you may seem a little slow on the draw at first with all that thinking, but soon it will come naturally. 

These are changes I have to start working on as part of becoming a mom. I don't want my kid to be an insensitive jerk because his/her mother is an even BIGGER insensitive jerk!! That is not a good look. :p 

On the TTC front I asked my Dr. for something to regulate my cycle and the first thing he said was low dose birth control. I'm like if I wanted bc I could just do NOTHING. I know he was just trying to help. He's just a regular doctor after all not an ob/gyn. He gave me 2 months of Provera and a refill of my eczema medication, so I'm happy for now. I actually still have that clomid from before so if I wanted to give it the old college try again, I technically could. Nice to know I can just GO for it. But I'll save it a couple of cycles at least. I don't even know exactly where the pills ARE right now. So they have to be found and if you looked up pack rat in the dictionary there'd be a picture of me & DH smilin' like idiots. Probably be on the same page as a picture of me with the word "procrastinator" under it. So them pills prolly half way to NARNIA right now. :p But I will find them and we'll go from there. Who knows? I might be bakin' babies before this year's out!!! (Cross your fingers.... Cross 'eeeeeem...) 

Ok, I've rambled long enough. Be well everyone. I shall return.. :)


Monday, February 7, 2011

Life Changing Dream!!!

OK, not TOTALLY, but it was pretty powerful.

The dream began as watching a movie about a woman, her son, and husband. Well, for some reason, the dad was trying to kill the kid!! Well SOME how, the dream became about ME and some mystery guy in a red and white old pickup truck. I ran and ran, but he was always there. Finally he was at my house!! I got my "kid" out and we RAN! Screaming for help, but for some reason, no one could help me.

Finally some older men came out to help. As we walked away, the killer came out ofthe house with a gun intending to kill me. Why?!!! Well turns out I'd bought his old house that he'd gotten foreclosed on and he was very upset when they took it from him. All well and good, but now he was gonna kill ME! So I was running. Running and he was going to shoot me in the back. Suddenly the men told me to "Stop running!" I was like "WHAT! He's gonna kill me!!"

They said "Trust God to help you. Just pray... And believe. "

Wellit took some doing, but I did it. And the man stopped. And broke down into tears. I went back and had to hug him. And we both just CRIED. Faith had saved me. And him also.

I was so moved, I woke up crying!! That has never happened before.

So I say that to say this. If worries and fear has you running and getting nowhere, stop. Pray. And have faith. Let a higher power handle it. :)