Wednesday, July 22, 2009


It wasn't a big deal so I wasn't planning to even post.. But it got weird. So, in my renewed interest in listening to the Universe and knowing dreams can be very useful if properly decoded, I need to keep up with this. That and it they are just getting weird.

Night before last I had an Alice in Wonderland dream, with a slight twist. There's this show called Charmed and I watch it all the time so that explains some of it, plus i've studied Wicca for some time and DEEPLY believe in many mystical forces. Ok having said that, there was this.... BEING I guess would be the word, in my house. She could shape shift and was a bit of a prankster. Well I guess not PRANKS just messing with people. She had like a short brown bob and green eyes in human form. She hated the fact that she had to be kept a secret AND We had company WHO seemed to be looking for a scandel. Anyway, she changes into this big fat ass pink cat like the one in Alice. She starts smoking this cigarette or bong or SOMETHING and starts blowing these giant smoke rings across the room. Beautiful, but not good wen you're tryin to hide her ass!!! LoL! Well anyway I distract the visitors so the didn't see the giant pink smoking grinning cat, but then she changed. She wasn't evil really but she tried to destroy the two men. Like my spell wore off and she could "see" them now and kill them. I think I woke up before I could stop her or she could kill them. All in all it was a really cool, acid trip ass dream.

Last night I had a dream that I was a doctor in the hospital for some minor thing, bit several of us had a bad reaction to the medication and were wondering around high as HELL! They'd caught everyone except me and I was wil'in out!! I was wondering and hiding and taking allergy pills. Just goin' nuts!!! And that was fun. But the part that stood out was this girl. Kind of like the one from the Alice dream catches up to me and tells me to just "listen to the rain. You gotta just listen to the rain. " And I was like "Yeah man. You gotta just listen and let it guide you. " Amd she was on her way. Simple as that.

I kept dreaming after that.... Or before I forget which. LoL! But those were some acid trip quality dreams!! Wonder what I'll dream about tonight? Can't wait to see.


Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Now I can easily post on the go. This iPhone app will definately come in handy. :)

Friday, July 3, 2009

Feeling Pretty Good...

This won't be a long post. Just checking in to say I'm feeling pretty good. Still working out with the Turbo Jam. But today I couldn't get motivated. I still worked out, but it was like a chore. I have to go get my exercise equipment and get it here so I can have some variety in my workout. I get bored really easily with exercise shows.. Should have known that BEFORE I bought the system... But then that was in 2005, so I was stupid in many ways back then. O_O

Well, as I said not a long post. just a little easter egg I guess. ^_^



Thursday, July 2, 2009

Turbo Jam

I started Turbo Jam Monday. I just tried it out Monday and officially started today. I'm trying to get in shape more than lose actual weight. Now I'm not relying on just the DVDs, I also bought a Bowflex and an elipical machine. I plan to plop em down right infront of the TV and work away!! The Bow Flex was mainly for hubby, but I plan to do a few reps myself, cause I've been getting a little weak. I gotta stay a strong chick ya know.

I decided to start using my Anucci scent in my hair again. I've loved it since I first bought it, but was on that coconut kick for a minute. But this relieves my stress and makes me feel good. Just takes me away. So I'll keep using it for a while..

Emotionally, I've been a wreck. I so badly want to get back to where I was about 2 years ago.. Maybe 2.5 years ago. I was losing weight. And I was so... At peace. So happy even with the things I wasn't happy with. I had ACCEPTANCE.. For the first time in my life. I truly accepted the things I could not change. I accepted the fact that other people were not my problem. And I couldn't change their minds.. That maybe they'll be terrible to me... But I had to decided everyday, to be good. That I could either be like them, or I could be on the side of good. And I chose good everyday I woke up to be good. Plain and simple. Hubby didn't really like the enlightened me. I was peaceful. Reserved. But I was telling him where he was going wrong. And I guess that rubbed him the wrong way. He thought I as being "high and mighty." His insult was callng me a "Priestess".. I didn't take offense. I am a Priestess, or at least I was studying to become one at one time. So I was cool with that. It was just that he thought that was an insult that told me to lay off him and his wrong doing. Then he got his wish to knock me off my "high horse". I won't go into details, but it was REALLY REALLY bad. And we had it out about it. And now, though we are still together. He brings it up anytime I have anything to say. And that gets old real fast. But I try to hold it together, but I've started lashing out lately. In some cases I have a right to. I'm human. I have feelings and emotions. But in a way, I don't because I did mess up. Bad. So I guess it's half and half. Sometimes I wish I had no emotions. No real feelings anyway. That way, they wouldn't get hurt.. And I wouldn't lash out and get fussed at or put in my place because of it.. I know, it's just a patch.. But you need a bandaid when you're trying to heal. Maybe I should practice being a bit less emotional. Learn to just let GO. If sometime upsets me, just breathe and bury that shit down as deep as I can. Unitl I'm in a good place and I can deal with them. I know that's not healthy, but it is FUNCTIONAL and that's what I need these days. To function.

So these are my exercises. I need to practice these things until they become second nature..

Know that people will hurt you. And they'll hurt each other. They'll hate each other and you. And do evil deeds..

But that has nothing to do with me. I choose to be good. And I will choose that path everyday when I wake up, and stand by it everyday when I go to bed.

That was the corner stone of my positivity, beleive it or not. Though it sounded negative, that took a LOT out of my hands and put blame where it was due. I did what I did, as did they.

Other people don't care how I'm feeling. They don't care if my feelings are hurt or if I'm pissed off at them. So why bother holding a grudge? I'd only be hurting myself, as they don't care one way or the other. If I hold anger, I'm just shortening my life and I'm the only one hurting. So just let that shit GO!

That was the second part.

This stuff sounds so negative.. But I was more positive than I'd been in my whole life. Then that bad stuff happened and it all went to shit. Well, it started going long before it hit the fan. It was like I just lost a little bit more of the happiness everyday. I really hate I did what I did. If I could go back in time.. I would not do it. I would run the other way. But I can' t go back. So all I can do is move on. Try to let the past be the past, though others will never leave your past in your past, but they want theirs buried. It's not fair, but I can't change that fact. If my past no longer bothers me, then it doesn't matter. And if anyone wants to hold on to it, well, I guess it makes them feel better.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hopefully I'll have more to talk about next time. Oh and I lost a few inches. Well, not really... :p

Weight: 229
Bust: 42
Waist:38 (37.5 if I pull the tape tight. Still too big, I know.)
Hips: 48
Thighs: 26 (Not caring too much about the thights, but FYI, that's nearly the size I want my WAIST to be!!)